Smash it! Mash it! Turn it into Juice!
There was an old vibrantly stunning woman,
Who lived in a shoe the suburbs,
She had so many children melons,
She didn’t know what to do wanted to hurl them off the roof for a satisfying splat.
Watermelon has never been my favorite fruit. It’s ok. It’s fine in a fruit salad if someone else has cubed it and dealt with all the wrangling of the thing and the resultant sticky elbows. But frankly a 20 pound piece of food represents more of a commitment than I’m willing to make.
Thanks to the CSA, I was at my watermelon-y wits end. I didn’t know what to do. I was sighing and mopping my brow and wringing my apron strings when all over a sudden help arrived–
Yes, ladies it’s true. I was at a loss until Jack Lalanne came along. Not in this form, exactly. Climbing that mountain barefoot and naked and waiting 50 + years for my melon distress would have proven too much even for that manly man. Nope, this is the form that Jack Lalanne took when he came to my rescue. My neighbor’s Jack Lalanne Power Juicer—
While I was absorbed with the complex assembly of Mr. Lalanne, the girls and Dave determined that, based primarily on the fact that our actual apple tree didn’t fruit, the “not crab” apple tree could play the part of a real apple tree this year. The fruit was beautiful,
but despite the new marketing campaign it still tasted like bitter dirt which in my book is a dead giveaway. That, and the greenish tint to its hard flesh. The children were not deterred.
Acadia quickly put on her cowboy boots, a halter top, and a wrap-around skirt and clamored up the ladder. What? It may not be a real apple tree, but we would never consider wearing anything less to a harvest.
As it turns out the tart “not crab” apples provided a nice balance to our juice plans. Here, some of the fruit awaits it’s fate–
The girls, along with Mr. Lalanne, made short work of 50 pounds of watermelon and 100s of “not crab” apples. At the end of the day our melon problem had been solved. No more melons. However, we now had a bit of a juice problem. Gallons and gallons of juice.
There was green juice
And pink juice
And green juice with a pink stripe
And pink and green juice with penny loafers and little alligators with their collars up. Wait, wrong decade. For a minute there I was transported back to seventh grade. That’s just how powerful Jack Lalanne can be.
We drank some juice. We sent some juice to the neighbors. We spilled enough on the floor that Kira may remain routed to that spot for a couple of years. We filled pitchers and loaded up the fridge. Then we pretty much hit the juice wall and so we froze whatever we could fit into ice cube trays.
And muffin tins.
And plastic cups.
And toilet paper rolls.
And old dolly heads.
15 Replies to “Smash it! Mash it! Turn it into Juice!”
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Once again I found myself laughing aloud!
Save some apple-watermelon juice pops for me!
Why did you put Jacks head on Daves body?
That juice sounds delicious! Watermelon juice is my favorite. I am drinking a ton while I am home 🙂
The girls look like they are having so much fun.
and i’m glad you are letting Jack Lalanne spice up your life!
Will the juice make you look like that?
add shea butter and make soap or however that’s done..very funny blog
To label and apple “crab” can stunt it’s development and have ramifications on it’s future. Please be more thoughtful before you casually toss around such hurtful labels. You want to be paying for therapy down the road?
Our not-to-be-labeled little apples made for some very tasty juice.
So thank you little apple tree and you too, Mr. Lalanne.
Good call on using the little apples for juice! What can be done about dandelions and thistles?
Very funny post.
Those juice-filled dolly heads will surely come in handy for Halloween.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I could eat an entire watermelon on my own. Ironically, not a fan of watermelon juice. A frozen pop, for sure.
The memories you make in your family are truly inspiring!
That looks a lot better than what we made some time back with celery and some other green stuff.
Y’all must’ve had fun!
Looks like fun and you will have juice for quite awhile. Love the boots!
Looks like your children were having a lot of fun. You are so lucky to have such wonderful helpers.
OK the lesser greener biener’s have one upted you guys in one department. We have been juicing for years and many different fruits and veggies. I juice and freeze Kale and put it in our scrambled eggs (my boys love Dr. Seuss so I can get away with it). So the score is us-1 you guys- a trillion million. We are getting close!