Noooooo! Not My Squash
The same deluge that’s been teasing out the ragweed and the thistles in miserable numbers has been working wonders on our garden. Instead of popping out with one of two nuggets of goodness, vines are bursting forth in clusters of fruitfulness. I should be pleased. I should be grateful. But I’m sulking.
Sure, the tomatoes are tantalizing
And yes, the raspberries are remarkable,
And I suppose we are enjoying the piles of purple potatoes,
But it’s not enough. Remember Big Bertha? That feminine nugget on which I pinned all my butternut hopes and dreams?
She is no more. She was my lone female, and now she’s gone before the bees even had a chance to do their business. It’s not good. There comes a time in every woman’s life where she has to draw the line. She has to say Enough is Enough. That time, my friends, has come.
Incensed, I marched inside and called the extension program over at Colorado State University and left a message about the peculiar gender trends taking place in my back yard. Surely there is a PhD student out there just waiting to tackle my plight, restore balance to my backyard, and write an award-winning thesis to boot.
Surprisingly, no student was readily available, so I spoke instead to a master gardener. Now perhaps under other circumstances she’s a decent human being. But good intentioned or not, she had the audacity to suggest that perhaps my soil was nitrogen-heavy. Or phosphorous-light. She doesn’t even know us and here she casually insinuating that my garden has a chemical imbalance? Pah-lease. At least she didn’t second the opinion of her colleague, the scientist who gently offered that some squash, not necessarily mine, but some do show hermaphroditic tendencies when they get toward their terminus. Really? You want to go there, do you?
It was hard to hear at first, but I am nothing if not a caring and nurturing mother gardener. And so I will ship off a sample of my sweet innocent, albeit potentially imbalanced, soil. I’ll send it out there into the science world to be judged. I will do whatever my baby needs to be make it in this cold, dark, mean world. Especially if that means my garden is happy.
Because if my garden is happy, then I am happy. Mmmm, I am just about as hungry happy as a clam with a mouthful of my favorite butternut squash pasta. Have you tried this ambrosia of a dinner yet? It is time. It’s delicious. It’s easy. It’s wonderful. And if the squash gods aren’t shining down on you, it’s ok. Someone, somewhere is having success growing the gourds. Pick one up at the farm stand. It’s even, gulp, worth a trip to the market.
10 Replies to “Noooooo! Not My Squash”
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I absolutely love butternut squash. I made some ginger butternut squash soup last year and it was delicious!
Here is to hoping that those crazy scientists (I guess it takes one, to know one*) test your soil appropriately and figure out how to cure your kick-ass garden. 🙂
* I mean me, I’m a crazy scientist, although I know nothing about soil
Here’s hoping the soil scientists will find any imbalance you or your garden may have 🙂 If not, maybe you can start some kind of clinic/support group for “gender challenged” squash.
BTW, I made your peach cake last week and it was awesome!
Ok – I don’t want to damper the mood further – but in terms of butternut squash pasta – I’m going to suggest a complete separation; an abrupt about-face! We use sweet potatoes and yams instead of the butternut. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the ol’ butterboy as much as the next gal in cowboy boots – but there’s room for all sorts of starchy love out there….
Thanks for the smile! Your other veggies look great!
I’ve always liked your soil. 🙂
Perhaps there is some medication that you can give your soil to correct the imbalance?
fresh stringbeans: had them yesterday, unbelievably yummy. Deep fry probably for 30 secs – 1 minb, then stir fry with sliced garlic in wok like apparatus. Wow. Even Mom agreed. No take-homes from those. DAD
Daphne,
I continue to enjoy your writing. The rest of the garden looks truly amazing- I wanted to eat those raspberries right off the page! I cannot wait to share the plight of your chemically imbalanced soil with my Master Gardener In-Laws who arrive this week. Please follow up with the results from your soil test!
-Karen
I would have done the same thing. Did you ever fix your soil problem? I hope you did. No one should be without their favorite squash.
You are such a committed gardener! I am impressed. Your garden looks great. I have been cooking with different squashes all week and loving everything I am making. I got mine from my CSA cause my graden squash didn’t make it either.