Wanted: Tooth Fairy
I’m not going to lie to you, teeth are revolting.
Not those straight pearly whites sitting nicely in your mouth. Those are gorgeous. I’m talking about the natty bloody things that swivel and dangle and eventually jump ship from the mouths of my babes.
Ewwww. They are so gross.
I am not a wimp. I can handle this mothering stuff with one hand tied behind the tylenol. I have weathered dislocated arms and bloody contusions and concussions. I’m tough as nails. Just don’t make me wiggle your loose tooth. I cannot stomach the teeth.
(While we’re at it you may as well know: I don’t handle eyes that well either.)
I adore my children. I’m just looking to outsource the management of their eyes and teeth.
Speaking of managing the teeth, I’m in a bit of a pickle. Having been previously accused of callously recycling precious scraps of artwork, I have taken to saving things, ridiculous things, all in the name of doing this mommy job right. Which is exactly why I find myself in this current quandary.
There sits, in my bedside drawer, a small vial.
It is a vile vial.
Contained within it’s gruesome hold are nine baby teeth; eight from child one, and now one from child two. It is disgusting, but I don’t know what to do. I never got the memo. Are we supposed to save the teeth? Am I all alone here with my macabre collection, or are parents everywhere harboring vulgar hoards of discarded body parts?
All of which goes to prove my point: this tooth fairy-ing business should be left to the professionals.
I’m begging you, before another one bites the dust, be our tooth fairy.
There’s a buck a tooth in it for you.
This face?
Give it a chance. I swear it’s not one of those only a mother could love.
14 Replies to “Wanted: Tooth Fairy”
Comments are closed.
Guilty as charged. I am also harboring teeth. But not as neatly as you. No little vial. Some are in bedside drawers. Others are in little baggies in another dresser drawer. Some are sitting in little dishes on top of my dresser. 4 kids worth – 20 years worth. I don’t even know which teeth belonged to which kid at this point. Now that I think about it – it is disgusting! Just can’t seem to throw them away……….
Not only do I collect my kids’ teeth, but I am completely comfortable with twisting and pulling them out. I’ve even pulled out a few neighbor kids’ teeth (true story). I’m not bragging. Just sayin’ I’m probably a little tougher than you, is all.
OK, maybe I’m a Sicko but I love to pull teeth. The dangling is gross. It is just so easy go remedy. Just twist and pull and see the joy and surprise in those sweet faces. Plus, those toothless grins I just love. Now keeping the teeth, where and why are still a question for me too, but I have them. Maybe to the keepsake box they’ll go.
As I’m ill-equipped to comment on proper “mothering” techniques and tasks, I will focus my response on my recent “discoveries” in the ever-fruitful task of cleaning out the family farm. I have had the great misfortune of discovering what happened to our long-lost body parts. Indeed, the parentals have saved every last one (times four kids) in a nicely-decorated vessel adorned with none other than a tooth and fairy. Not sure if that’s the “right” way to go, but it seems to have worked for the rents. By the way, what is the going rate for a tooth these days?
Ok so I am old enough to have an AARP card in my wallet; I threw out a vile vial of mixed teeth when I moved last year. I assumed they all came from my kids.
You know, Mom did save your tiny toothy things for a very long time. And although she says she threw them away, I would never bet on it. Then there are the locks of hair, etc. But if it makes yhou feel like a better person, well then…..
Having had to deal with the tooth bit with three children (with two of them now having their own little darlings) – I think I can offer a advice from a different perspective. I saved the first tooth that each child lost and upon their assent to adulthood, gave them their teeth back. We did fall victim, however, to the cardinal sin of forgetting to put the appropriate reward under the pillow on one occasion. We told the toothless child that we forgot to leave the outside house light on and the tooth fairy couldn’t find the place in the dark. Needless to say, that never happened again because we were always reminded to turn on the light prior to bedtime!
OMG, that made me laugh out loud more than once. I haven’t reached the losing the teeth stage with my children but now I can see what I have in store for me.
And to keeping everything, I’m the same exact way. I have no idea what to throw out so I just keep it all when it comes to my kids’ stuff.
I agree with you that a dangling, barely hanging in there tooth is disgusting. It’s the only time blood makes me queasy – and does it ever! Of course the girls don’t want the offending tooth pulled. They are happy to wait for it to fall out all on it’s own 🙂 And yes, I do have a stash of teeth all mixed together. Maybe when they’re all grown we’ll divide them up ( equally of course ) just to keep things fair!
Don’t send those teeth to me.
I think Becky was collecting teeth for something….. you might want to check with her. She may still want some. She FBed about it. I am not sure what I will tihnk of this stage of parenting.
Teeth totally wig me out too! And, Melissa is so desperate to lose a tooth she spends quite a bit of time pushing and pulling, but alas, no wiggle.
As for the Tooth Fairy forgetting a delivery, we always say the child must have farted in their sleep, sending delicate Fairy away!
Ok Daph… I just had to comment on this one! Please at least seperate them if you are going to collect them…. I threw them away, when the tooth fairy came that was it for me she left her money and took the darn lil nasty things. lol
I wish the tooth fairy would keep what she paid for