I’ve got it all under control

Step right up.   Watch the incredible multi-tasking mommy juggle alligators using only the illusion of control…That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the ILLUSION OF CONTROL.

Ha! What a joke.

I may be the ringleader here, but there is nary a lion, nor a clown, not even a box of crackerjacks willing to bow down before my power.  In this suburban circus of life, illusion is all I’ve got.  Sure, I have the power to sign permissions slips, but I’m no fool.  I have no real control.  Once upon a time I imagined that I would be the master when I became the mommy, but now that the kids have arrived I’m pretty much skipping down delusion street with a tattered tinfoil badge that says MOM.

Don’t get me wrong, I am the boss.  I get to say when it’s time to brush teeth and what we’re having for dinner.   But you know, in the face of fevers that attack unannounced and children determined to wear bikinis in the snow, that seems a tad limited.

Which brings me to this whole food, au-natural, organic drum I’ve been beating lately.  I need to come clean:  Sure, it’s the healthy way to go, and yes, I do want what’s best for my kids.  But here’s the clincher — hovering over the morsels that enter those precious tummies does even more for me than it does for them:  it gives me a nice comfy sense (read: illusion) of control.

Because they will eat candy; and they do order mickey mouse pancakes for lunch; and there are birthday parties and Halloween bags and trips to the ice cream store and well, come on, what fun would life be if we all didn’t indulge every now and then?

But here’s my secret:  I can make some of this stuff at home. Voila! Look at me!  I am the great and powerful wizard (of snacks.)

And, giddy with this power, did I sneak a handful of flax seed into the muffins?  I don’t know, maybe.  Are those beloved candy-striped french fries really beets in disguise? Perhaps.  Those funky green stripes in the chocolate chip cookies? I neither confirm nor deny the rumor that zucchini is hiding behind the chips.

I know, I know.  It’s controversial, this whole idea of sneaking in the good stuff.  But hey, I’m in charge here, remember?

I don’t know.  Maybe I can fool enough of these little people some of the time in my own private queen-dom.  Or maybe I’m fooling no one.  But I will tell you this; I get to decide what goes into the cookies they eat after school.  Which makes me the queen of what they consume.

And it’s good to be the queen.

• Category: Family
• Tag: control, home made