What Not to Wear

If I could hang out with this crowd all the time my style would be all that and a bowl of keys–

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I know.  We look hot.  Sadly, other than an occasional 70s themed murder mystery party, my style, sweet though it may be, is grossly misunderstood.

I have a distinctive day-to-day look that’s been cultivated over the past 20 years (think: clueless 1980’s casual meets Eddie Bauer chic.) I’ll never understand how that TV show where they dole out fashion advice and five grand passed on the chance to re-design me.

I don’t get it.  Do these amber vision glasses make my roller skates look fat?

Never mind.  The public has spoken, and so I will put away my tapered-leg jeans and scruncies.  I’m content to stick to what I know: the damage being done by the stuff we’re putting into our bodies.  Someone else will have to manage the fashion police.

Speaking of experts, the food gurus have compiled a great list.  If we’ve got TV to thank for flagging the fashion potholes, then consider this list like airport runway through chemical-infested waters.

We need to get out of that water.  After all, I need to keep these hip babes healthy if I want any shot of passing on my style torch.

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Most of the time we guzzle away, innocent and unaware of the hazardous chemicals we’re inviting into our bodies.  I was shocked to learn that even canned tomatoes, a mainstay for our family once our paltry summer supply runs dry, are chock full of some pretty scary stuff.

It’s overwhelming, I know, this ever-expanding world of What’s Killing Us Now.  But stick to it.  I can’t think of anything more worth-while.  To help out, here’s a list that we are following.  It’s like a cheat sheet of what to avoid and a brief explanation.  For more detailed information you should definitely read the full reasons behind the list.

  1. Canned Tomatoes — the tin in the cans are loaded with synthetic estrogen
  2. Corn-Fed Beef — Cows evolved to eat grass. When they don’t, they get sick.
  3. Microwave Popcorn —  chemicals (linked to infertility and some cancers) in the bag leach into the popcorn
  4. Non-organic Potatoes — you can’t wash them enough to get out the layers of pesticides and chemicals
  5. Farmed Salmon– high in cancer-causing contaminants like brominated flame retardants. Mmm, who can pass on flame retardant?
  6. Milk Produced with Artificial Hormones — this stuff is banned in most industrialized nations for its link to cancers.
  7. Conventional Apples — winner of the “fruit most laden with chemicals” position.  High exposure to pesticides has been linked, most recently, to Parkinson’s disease.