I’ve got a bone to pick with a particularly heated humpback whale. Or maybe it’s that mudskipper’s fault. I don’t really know who’s to blame but my first grader has picked up an alarming new habit and she didn’t get it from me.
Maybe it’s the season. Something in the air.
I know I just got through saying that this season was all about jumping rope, but perhaps I was hasty. Even jumprope can’t trump that sense of er, love in the air.
Well, love. Or mating. Something like that.
I’ve got one kid happily engrossed in setting Abba tunes to spinning ropes–
And another who can’t stop talking about mating rituals…yours, mine, the cows, the birds…you name it, we’re discussing it. And it’s all thanks to the incredible imagery in LIFE, the picturesque if slightly randy Discovery Channel documentary.
We were fascinated to learn the extent that some bird fellas will go to lure a pretty lady to his nest. And thrilled, of course, that the kids finally have the down-low on the snuggling habits of cuttlefish.
But what my nine year old really needed to know was this:
So what did you do to attract your mate, Mom?
While I frantically tried to drum up an answer that didn’t include vodka shots or shimmying in dimly lit bars, her little sister stepped forward to field the question for me.
“I know how people attract a mate,” she boasted to her naive sibling. “Booty shaking.”
And her money-maker’s been in motion ever since.
Before you get suckered in by any cute thoughts about this dancing queen, I should confess: This shake-shake routine goes out with a bang. And by bang I mean a slap; a playful slap executed upon her own unexpectedly and abruptly exposed shaking booty.
I am so proud, so proud you see.
Or mortified. I get those two emotions mixed up.
Either way, thanks a bunch, natural world. Sure, you’re educational, but I’m not really on board with the downward direction in which you’re dragging my little darling.