Hay is for Horses, Not Bras

Some of you may have gotten wind of the fact that I’ve got a hankering to be rolling around on the farm with a rugged cowboy.  It’s a beautiful fantasy.  Freshly harvested vegetables pose in a photogenic basket. The scent of fresh hay crushed beneath my back. The vivid blue of the sky peaking through cracks in the old wooden ceiling of the barn.  Somewhere in the distance a rooster cackles.

Oh yeah. It’s hot.

Thing is, much as I may covet a good old fashioned roll in the hay, I never have, actually, rolled in the hay.  And given my current circumstances I probably never will (though if I can get my hands on a hat, Halloween is looking promising.)  While I am ensconced in my life here in the suburbs,  I’ll just bet that somewhere out there someone is rolling in actual hay with an actual cowboy.  So to that lucky lady I must ask:

Doesn’t the hay make your boobs itch?

You see, recently I had the good fortune of experiencing hay in my bra, not from a wild romping in the barn with this guy,

but from the stomping about at Monroe Farm during harvest day, picking basil and carrots and pumpkins and strawberries.   Here, the carrots pose artistically, fresh from the earth–

And the sweet children, with the largest pumpkins they could find upon hearing that said pumpkins would have to be hand carried twenty-seven miles, uphill, in the snow, to the car.

You’d never know it from the handful of fresh strawberries and my cowgirl-ish good looks and cheerful smile–

but trust me, already the hay had worked its way in. And I was one heck of an itchy cowgirl.

I never would have guessed it, but it turns out that hay in the bra can make one feel a tad cranky.  That being said rules are rules; they may seem unfair, they may be difficult to understand, it may even appear to some as though they were made up on the spot out of poking discomfort but I assure you that on the farm rules are made to be followed, and that has nothing whatsoever to do with itchy lady parts.

Take for example this gem that came screeching out of my mouth towards the end of a delightfully long day:

NO! I said no and if you pick up one more grasshopper I will take it and saute it and call it dinner. Do not touch your sister’s grasshopper!  NOT one more grasshopper AND I MEAN IT!

If you think I’m crazy, that’s ok.  City slickers don’t know what it’s really like down on the farm.  Besides, I was just looking out for this guy

Poor Jiminy, he’d already lost his jaunty top hat and cane and I could barely make out the words to his exuberant show tunes.

With the grasshoppers set free and the time for liberating hay from it’s hiding place drawing near, it is time once again for a gratuitous picture of a cow. Those of you who have been around a while know that prior to my infatuation with cowboys, I had a thing for cows.  I’ve even been know to throw in a gratuitous picture of a cow, or two here at the Greener Biener.  It’s been a while, so here you go, one gratuitous picture of a cow

What?  You’ve got a problem with my picture of Bessie?  Perhaps you think you could do better chasing down a wild cow for a photo session with hay in your bra?  (If so, send me your successful picture and I’ll post it on the site, no jealousy, no hard feelings. I promise.)

9 Replies to “Hay is for Horses, Not Bras”

  1. Hay in my bra would make me NUTS b/c I’m very allergic. Unless it made my boobs look full and bouncy again.

  2. I have not been back to your site in a while. This was so funny! Loved it!
    And for the record- I think I could handle the hay in the bra for a roll in the hay with the right cowboy.

  3. loved the imagery

  4. i got hay everywhere last year when we visited the pumpkin patch, and i remember being very itchy and grouchy too! if only it were a roll in the hay, then I might not have been so grouchy.

  5. The beginning of the post made me think of the Dixie Chicks song “Take Me Away”

    And now I’m thinking of chocolate covered grasshopers. Eww. I know you said fried, but that was my image.

    Anyway, thanks so much for your comment on WOW. I really appreciate your taking the time.


  6. I love the pictures (and your writing)!

  7. We are going pumpkin picking this weekend and I will be extra careful around the hay :-)! Great post!

  8. I have never had a roll in the hay either. Not with a cowboy for sure. What I wouldn’t do to have a roll in the hay, (not with a cowboy) but real hay. I have a small garden, but not a real big piece of land. I will laugh and think of you when I drive by the hay fields. Thanks for sharing your fun.

  9. It is just like sex on the beach…great in theory until sand is everywhere and in everything!

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